I have been sitting in front of this screen for more than 20 mins figuring out how to write this. It's not easy to put into words when you can't even understand what's going on. So I'm not going to edit this or second guess what I'm writing. It's going to be raw as fuck and probably won't make sense to most of you.
It's funny how a while back I had a clear vision of what I wanted to achieve, what I wanted to do after school and even after college. I have started second guessing myself if that is really what I want to do. Thinking about it for more than 3 months now, i realised I don't want to pursue that. And by "that" I mean design.
I am not at all saying that art doesn't make me happy anymore or I can't put my thoughts onto paper. It's just that I have found something that scares me and excites me at the same time. Something I will not get bored of even if I do it for 60 years. And that's travelling. How will you earn money to travel? Where will you live? What's your plan? To be honest, I do not know. And I think I probably won't until I actually start doing it.
Saying that I've lost passion in art would be a complete wrong statement and it's bloody fucking scary and no right to leave art just like that... I have been working on it for more than 3 years now. So now this dilemma sets in. I have had sleepless nights thinking about it and I have gone full 24 hours planning this shit out, BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK. At one place I want to create art and at another I want to explore the world.
Stupid idea is coming, don't read if you're going to mock. So after talking to my dad about it and probably reading almost every travel/art blog, I realised I can do both. I can somehow combine the two fields in the way I want. Some of you probably would think how the hell are you going to do that and you seriously think this will help you lead a stable life? Well no way, I don't want to lead a stable life, I'm not saying I want problems, I'm just saying I want to wake up everyday and not know what's in store for me. Anyone can be a legend if you can prove those people wrong, those people who tell you you won't achieve this or you're not "smart enough" to do that.
I saw a lot of videos today about doing what you want to do and stuff like that. "Life Doesn't Wait" by Connor Franta, "Becoming You" by Troye Sivan and "YOU" by Jacksgap were my favourites. I'll put the link to these three in the end. Get inspired from these. Moreover read about people like these or people like you.
PS- To me: So much for leaving so many points out ,srish.